Okay not really.  This is going to be short and sweet.

WHAT YOU NEED:

Pork Chops

Parmesan Cheese (flaked if possible, shredded if not)

Italian Breadcrumbs (homemade or otherwise)

~2 eggs

Salt, pepper, spices as you desire

Canola Oil

This is incredibly easy.  First grab three good sized bowls large enough to dredge the chops through.  Fill teh first with your parmesan, crack your eggs into the second (whisking them smooth), and fill the third with your breadcrumbs.

From there, go down the line.  Dredge each chop through the parmesan to get a nice coating, then the egg to make em sticky (and layer the parmesan inside), and then dredge through the breadcrumbs.  After that, place them in a frying pan with enough canola oil to reach 3/4 of the way up the chops, or to barely cover them.  Fry until golden brown, be sure to cut them open to make sure the pork is cooked all the way through.  That’s it!

Here is a recipe I’ve cobbled together from several different sources, complete with a twist from my own deranged mind.

What you’ll need:

• Boneless Chicken Breast (1-2 per person, more if it’s a HUNGRY BOY)
• Sliced cheese (Swiss or Muenster are good choices, Provolone is acceptable but oh-so-boring. Honestly, use what you like)
• Sliced Ham (Bacon works as well, but I much prefer ham. For this example, I used Ham Capocolla, for the very slight salami-spice twist to its flavor)
• An Egg
• Bread Crumbs, Italian seasoning or Plain (Store-bought is actually just as good as any home-made, and a lot easier)
• Flour
• Salt & Pepper
• Toothpicks
• Cooking Oil of any variety (Olive Oil is a big plus)

Preheat your oven to about 400 degrees.

Begin by grabbing your nearest local meat tenderizer and gently beating the breasts into 1/8-1/4 of an inch in thickness.  Dust both sides of the breasts with salt and pepper to taste.  After you have done so, place 1-2 slices of your ham atop each breast, and top that with a slice of cheese, which you’ll probably have to tear in half and lay down length-wise.

*OPTIONAL RYAN MURPHY TWIST* – Lay down a line of Cholula or Sriracha right down the length of each stack. Really, use a hot sauce of your choice, but this step is deee-licious.

Okay, hot sauced or not, take one of the ends of each chicken breast and roll it up with the ham and cheese on the inside. Once all rolled, secure with a toothpick. When complete, they should look something like this:

Naked!

Now get three bowls. Fill one halfway with flour, the second with a single egg whisked to a smooth viscous wash, and the third with your bread crumbs. At this point, pour a little bit of your oil (Olive I hope!) into the bread crumbs and mix by hand. Continue to mix and add small, tiny amounts of oil until the bread crumbs are the consistency of slightly damp sand. Not thick and heavy, but crumbly. This is a trick my mom taught me to help a breading brown and crisp nicely, rather than have the breading risk remaining dry and burning to carbon instead. Dredge each chicken roll through the flour, then cover it with the egg wash, and finally coat it in your crumbly, damp, erotic(!) bread crumbs. Place the rolls into a casserole dish or other safe baking dish that has either been coated in Pam or had a layer of aluminum foil placed within it. Cover everything with aluminum foil and slide it into the oven, setting the timer for about 35 minutes.

Here’s where it gets good. The extra bonus that really brings this dish together is the Moray sauce. A Moray sauce is absolutely divine precisely because it will kill you and make you love it. Essentially, it’s butter and cheese. Anyway, here we go:

• Butter
• Cheese (The poor man’s version is Parmesan. if you have it, you’ll want some Gruyere as well.)
• Salt, pepper, Garlic Powder
• Whole Milk

Heat your stovetop to a medium heat. Take a small saucepan about 2 cups in size, and melt 1-1.5 tablespoons of butter into it. Once it melts, add one tablespoon of flour per tablespoon of butter into the mixture and whisk it until it’s thick and mixed otgether, which should take about 30 seconds. Then quickly add 1 cup of whole milk per tablespoon of butter to the sauce pan, and stir slowly.

Once everything has smoothly evened out, continue stirring as you add salt, pepper, and garlic powder to taste. I recommend going light on the salt, as the cheese and garlic powder will be salty in and of themselves. After those blend in, add about a half cup of Parmesan per 1 tablespoon of butter, stirring all the while. If you have the Gruyere, make it 1/4 cup Parmesan and 1/4 cup of Gruyere per 1 tablespoon of butter instead. At that point, just keep the stovetop going at medium heat, continuing to stir as the sauce thickens. It will thicken, trust me. You can add more cheese if you feel it needs thickening or a stronger cheesy flavor, though.

Once the Moray Sauce is done thickening, reduce the heat and prepare to take your chicken out of the oven, as the sauce prep should not take any longer than half an hour. Remove your chicken, and let cool for about five minutes. You may remove the toothpicks if you like, as the rolls should hold together on their own, though I feel they lend the dish a certain something… Anyway, plater the chicken with whatever else you are serving, and pour the warm Moray Sauce on immediately before serving. Tah-dah! Now you too can delight your tongue and belabor your heart, for your Chicken Cordon Bleu with Moray Sauce is done! Now you certainly can be knocked out as my momma told me to do, and have no regrets. In case you need convincing, just look:

Eat it. You know you want to.

Check out that spiral!

FOOD + FACE = OM NOM