OPTION 1:
I think it would be easy to reduce crime if you told people that heaven were like dining at Orange Shabu.

OPTION 2:
I HAVE HAD WAGYU BEEF SHABU SHABU: BEHOLD MY WORKS YE MIGHTY AND DESPAIR.

SO GOOD

A few blocks away from Taipei 101, this place is a chic Japanese take on traditional Chinese hot pot. The receptacle was a copper pot heated over a gas stove in the center of each table. Tables were separated by linen blinds. While I’m not entirely sure I am even qualified to list all of the stuff that went into the hot pot, a couple of things stand out.

• Oh my god wagyu beef. Soooo delicious.
• We had a special kind of pork, but the language barrier prevented me from understanding what made it special. It was served with a creamy sesame sauce, though, and that was phenomenal.
• Fresh shrimp and fish balls made by plopping the raw materials straight into the hot pot out of a piece of bamboo.
• We were served a special kind of tea, which tasted kind of like echinacea, but gentle and not medicinal. Its intention was to cool the body down after the hot pot.
• The almond tofu was like no almond tofu I’ve ever had. It was still silky and delicious, but held together much more firmly than almond tofu from a box.
• Instead of putting cellophane noodles into the broth at the end of the meal, they made it into porridge. Who was too fat to eat a lot of the porridge? This kid. However, we reserved a ton for breakfast tomorrow.

I was treated to hot pot because my aunt insisted that I should go easy on the greasy disaster on day one. Taiwanese food is less flavorful and more gentle than mainland Chinese food–she was worried that the broth would be too light for my boorish American taste buds. However, the broth we made (using, among the other ingredients, a combination of napa and white cabbage) was aromatic and complex, and made an excellent porridge at the end of the meal.

Tomorrow: the adventures of Chinese barbequed sea cucumber, aka, Jo’s most favoritest dish in the world.

Lunch bonus!: Taiwanese beef bourgignon is not nearly as good as Sophiese beef bourgignon.

Chicken lettuce wraps are one of those dishes which I can never remember the origin of – are they really anywhere close to “authentic” asian food, or is PF Chang’s overpriced asian fusion menu responsible for them? A quick Google search yielded no concrete answers, though searching my memory did dredge up something – I think I had these in Taiwan once.  Well, regardless of whether or not this is an American invention, this dish is damn tasty and makes for a good meal that’s not altogether that bad for you.  Extra bonus: it’s low carb!

The one negative to this dish is that it takes a lot of mincing.  However, it’s worth it in the end! Just put your favorite show on the TV or convince someone to be your kitchen grunt, and get chopping.

As usual, measurements are just guidelines that I basically made up – in actuality I just mixed up whatever seemed right. I hope the measurements give you an idea of proportion, however. This recipe was sorta cobbled together from the first three recipes I found through Google. I’ll include a list of sample recipes at the end so you can get an idea of what other variations there are.

Ingredients (Yields about 6 servings):

• 2 lbs ground chicken (you can also use turkey for a similar taste/texture)
• 1 head of lettuce (I used iceberg, but other popular choices are butter lettuce and romaine)
• 3 tbsp minced garlic
• 2 tbsp minced fresh ginger
• 3 scallions, chopped finely
• 1 can water chesnuts, chopped finely
• 2 cups fresh shiitake mushrooms, chopped finely
• 1/2 cup unsalted roasted peanuts, chopped roughly
• dry sherry
• sesame oil
• oyster sauce
• hoisin sauce
• soy sauce
• black pepper and salt

Start by marinating the ground chicken in about 1/2 cup of dry sherry and 1/4 cup soy sauce.  Salt and pepper as well – I was very liberal with the pepper, not as much with the salt.

Begin chopping up everything while the meat marinates. After you’re done, put a little veggie or canola oil in a skillet or wok, and start cooking the meat while breaking it up into little pieces.  This actually requires a good deal of effort… my arms were getting tired after a few minutes! When the chicken is cooked thoroughly, remove it from the heat and put it in a bowl for later.

In a small bowl, mix about 1/2 cup hoisin sauce, 1/3 cup oyster sauce, 1/4 cup sesame oil, and a little sherry and soy sauce.

Saute all the chopped things together, then add in the chicken when things are mostly all cooked. Pour the mixture in the small bowl in, and stir until well incorporated.

You’re done! Serve with leaves of the lettuce.   It makes a decent meal by itself, or with a side of veggies since the lettuce doesn’t provide as much nutritional value.

Some common additions to this dish are hot pepper flakes, fresh peppers, red pepper, and orange zest. Here are some links to alternative recipes:

Asian Chicken Lettuce Wraps (from Stretch Mark Mama)

Chicken Lettuce Wraps Two Ways (from YumSugar)

Thai Glazed Chicken Lettuce Wraps (from Rachael Ray)

Image from mochimama's blog (mine didn't turn out so well...)

This is a super delicious dish that my mom likes to make from time to time.  I love it because it has a bit of everything – protein, fiber, carbs, etc. – all stewed together until delicious and flavorful.  It makes use of almost every standard Chinese ingredient that you can think of, so it may be harder to pull together if you don’t have a lot of them on hand. However! If you have an asian grocery store readily accessible, I guarantee that you can get these ingredients cheaply and benefit greatly in future endeavors with Chinese recipes! You will also need a heavy, heat retaining vessel to make the dish in – traditionally it calls for a lidded clay pot, but I made use of Jo’s dutch oven.

Ingredients (I basically made up approx. measurements for those who like specific directions to follow, so feel free to improvise):

Makes about 5 servings…?

• 1 lb ground pork
• 1 medium sized block of firm tofu (about a 3-inch square, give or take an inch)
• 1/2 cup minced green onions
• 1/4 cup minced fresh ginger
• 1 large egg
• 2 tbsp sesame oil
• 3 tbsp soy sauce
• 1/4 cup rice wine (“cooking michu”)
• couple pinches of salt and black or white pepper
• pinch of sugar
• cornstarch
• veggie oil
• 6-7 cups of chicken broth (50ish ounces, equal to one of those big cans)
• 1 packet mung bean noodles
• 1 can bamboo shoots
• 1 pound napa cabbage

First, combine the ground pork, tofu, scallions, ginger, salt, pepper, sugar, beaten egg, rice wine, sesame oil, and soy sauce in a big mixing bowl with your hands.  Mix it good!! Then, start adding cornstarch about a couple tablespoons at a time, micing it in thoroughly. You want the consistency of the mixture to be somewhere between too wet and too dry, enough so that it seems to hold together in one mass.

If you’re using a dutch oven like I did, start heating it on medium-low heat right about now.

Separate the meat mixture into thick patties, about three inches in diameter. Pour veggie oil into a deep skillet so that it’s about 1/4- 1/2 inches deep. Heat on medium-high heat and then drop the patties in, frying one side until it’s browned and then flipping over. Remove and put them on a plate.

Stick the dried noodles into a large bowl of cold water.

Pour the chicken broth in the pot along with the cabbage and bamboo shoots, then bring to a boil. As soon as it boils, bring down to a simmer and then add in the meatballs. Add a splash of soy sauce- enough to turn the broth slightly brown- and let it simmer for at least 30 minutes.  You want the cabbage to be soft and delightfully chewy.

Add in the noodles about 10 minutes before you want to eat the dish.  Serve and enjoy!

Some addendums:

• You can be creative with what you add to the dish – mushrooms and bok choy are pretty good additions!
• The most useful ingredents for chinese cooking that I mentioned before? Rice wine, sesame oil, soy sauce!
• Makes for great leftovers, though the noodles do get squishy.  However, the cabbage only gets better.

Here are my five most favorite foods in the world:

1. Chinese barbecue sea cucumber
2. Spaghetti with meat sauce
3. Chinese sticky rice
4. Chinese beef noodle soup (thick noodles, please!)
5. Pizza (any kind except NY thin crust)

Thanks to the housewarming party last week, I feel like I can make an edible version of #2 and #5, the only two non-Chinese foods on the list. This means I am either inept or a race traitor, but most likely, I am both. However, thanks to extensive efforts by Karen to 1) advise me, and 2) give me a short break from playing Left 4 Dead every waking hour of my day, I managed to pull together a pot of Chinese Sticky Rice that is both delicious and easy (much like a certain someone’s mother I could list but totally won’t JOSH.)

Two more warnings: This food is the ugliest food in the world. I’m not kidding. Unless you grew up with it and have associated it Pavlov-style with the greatest flavors your mouth has ever known, it’s pretty hideous. No pictures, so I won’t dissuade you from doing making it. Two, this food requires Asians nearby, namely enough Asians to supply an Asian grocery store. While I’m certain that some of the ingredients can be substituted out without issue, there’s something about the Asian ingredients that makes this one special. Maybe I’ll try to cook a white person version, made entirely out of white person things. OR MAYBE NOT HOLLA BACK ISOLATIONISTS!

Ingredients:

• 3 cups Sweet Rice (do white people have this, maybe at their fancy organic stores? Either way, you can’t switch this one out.)
• 1-2 cups dried shiitake mushrooms
• Two chicken bouillon cubes
• 5 links (6-8 oz) Chinese sausage (I found it in the canned vegetable section of my local Asian grocery story, which makes pretty much zero sense–PS: It looks like beef jerky)
• 1/2 cup thin-sliced spring onions (only the white and light green parts)
• 1 tbs minced ginger
• 1 tbs vegetable oil
• 1/3 cup rice wine or medium-dry sherry (I ran out of rice wine, so used half and half)
• 3 tbs soy sauce
• 2 tbs oyster sauce
• 2 tsp sesame oil
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp white pepper
• 1 fingertip (human)

There is a lot of pre-prep to this dish, so give yourself an ample two hours and find something cool to do. I bet you could learn to knit or make a pine cone bird feeder in the intervening time! You could start a club!

1. Soak your rice in a large receptacle with cold water for at least two hours. The water doesn’t have to stay cold, but it ought to start there. Ancient Chinese secret: this step cannot be skipped. If you don’t soak out some of the starch, you will have some kind of starch disaster. Before you start cooking for reals, put your rice in a strainer, rinse with some more cold water, and drain.

2. About an hour before your rice is done, chop up your veggies (get a really good mince on the ginger, if you fear it as I do) and cut your Chinese sausage. Quarter it lengthwise, then chop it up into 1/2″ lengths. If you’re a dunce, you’ll use a santoku knife for this part, then forget that Chinese sausage has the consistency of beef jerky, then you’ll slip and cut the tip of your finger off. I highly recommend this method, because I don’t really like you much. Finish cooking the dish with an improvised bandage of paper towel, packaging tape, and utmost misery.

3. About 30 minutes before your rice is done soaking, prepare a bath of warm water (I used about 3 cups) and soak your mushrooms. The recipe called for about 1 cup, but I am a ho for mushrooms, so I used two… handfuls. The more mushrooms you use, the more flavorful your mushroom water will be: keep this in mind. After the mushrooms soak for around 30 minutes, wring them out (it’s gross and awesome) and give them a coarse chop. I did long slices, because I love mushrooms. Then, reheat your mushroom water a wee bit, and dissolve two chicken bouillon cubes in it. Extra flavor? YES MA’AM.

4. Prepare your seasonings. Put your booze, soy sauce, oyster sauce, sesame oil, salt and pepper into a bowl. No reason except so you won’t have to measure while stir-frying. That step goes hella fast, and if you’ve followed directions, you’ll be frying one-handed anyways.

Okay, time for the actual cooking! You’ll want a wok or something that fries things well, and (and this is critical, unless you want to spend 12 hours cooking this like me) something else that retains heat well. One day, ladies and gentlemen, I will acquire some kind of absurd scientific dutch oven. Until then, a pot with a tight-fitting lid will have to do for you.

5. Put a wok over high heat until it just begins to smoke. Put the veggie oil into the wok until it starts to smoke.

6. Spring onions and ginger in the wok! 30 seconds!

7. Sausage in the wok! One minute!

8. Mushrooms in the wok! One minute!

9. Bowl o’ seasoning in the wok! One minute!

10. SWEET JESUS THAT WAS FAST GET THAT SHIT OFF THE STOVE GAH.

11. Dump your drained rice into the wok and stir around until everything seems pretty well amalgamated.

12. Dump the entire contents of your wok into a heat-retaining receptacle.  This is probably a good time to add your mushroom chicken broth. Yeah, let’s do it now. Don’t worry that it doesn’t look like enough fluid–trust in the rice. While the stove is still on high, bring the contents to a simmer, then turn the heat to low. Cover tight, then let it sit for 25 minutes. After it looks mostly done (the rice will be brown and sticky, with some occasional white specks), take your rice off the heat, stir it a bit, then re-cover and wait for 10 more minutes. It should be done and tasty by then.

Alert: Don’t use a pot with a scraped-up and horrible bottom. The rice at the bottom will form a thin crust that comes out easily with soaking, but also is delicious. If you can peel some of that off, it’s like fried gold.

Do you have any of those spring onions left? Chop up the dark green parts and use it as garnish. As I said, I am a ho, so I like a little more soy sauce. Ancient Chinese warning: According to my grammas, doing this will make your skin dark. Like a black person. Oh, my people. Sometimes, you are so charmingly racist.

A special note from Karen, ranked by one Ted Yokoyama as the most Asian girl in our group: You can add a ton of different things to this dish! They used to make it with a pork that is no longer used. You can add thin-sliced pork and reminisce about the old days, when the British subjugated us with drugs! Or you can add tiny dried shrimps from the yucky aisle of your local Asian grocery mart! Sometimes you will see this dish pressed into a shallow bowl and upended on a plate, with sweet & sour sauce and crushed peanuts as topping!

In short, yes, I know this is a very basic recipe. But the point is that it tastes and feels RIGHT, and doesn’t take enormous amounts of effort to make, contrary to what most Chinese mothers will tell you.

Conclusion: RICE! You make! Make strong like ox!

I vaugely remember that Miso & Rice is somehow wrong, or not a proper meal or taboo, but it is GOOD. Toss a dose of miso into a rice pot & eat it when ready! If I’m lacking in time/effort but need to eat a meal that is both tasty & hot, this is always a good beginning.

If you wish to refrigerate creme brulee for a few days, do not sugar & torch the top yet. The caramelized sugar will begin to dissolve into the cream. Fear not, gentle reader, for all is not lost! Your dessert will still be delicious, but with much sugar dissolved, you will rarely get the satisfying *crack* as you break the topping with a spoon. With this is in your belly, you will no longer care about studying for your upcoming flight or doing any sort of work whatsoever. (Desserts are dangerous.)

You’ll Need:
Olive Oil
Corn Starch, 4 tbsp
Salt & Pepper
Water, 2/3 cup
Meat/Tofu, ~16oz
Onion, 1 minced
Eggs, 2
Beef/Chicken Stock or Consommé, 32 oz
Vinegar, 4 tbsp
Soy Sauce, 1 tbsp
Mushrooms, if you have any on hand.

Drain the Tofu & slice the Tofu/Meat into thin strips. Lightly coat them in cornstarch. Combine the rest of the cornstarch into the water to create a paste. Mixing the cornstarch now prevents lumping later on when you thicken the soup.
Heat the oil in a large Wok and fry the onions until they’re soft; add the Meat, mushrooms, and turn up the heat. When the Meat is cooked, add the Stock/Consommé. Bring to a boil, let it simmer. Add the Tofu, vinegar, soy sauce, salt, pepper & Water/Corn Starch mixture. Vinegar is for the Sour, Pepper is for the Hot. For a slightly sharper taste, add red pepper of Sri Racha, like a Philistine. Bring the soup almost to a boil, and drizzle in the eggs. Booyah: poached eggs & soup!

The vinegar provided nice flavor that could have used more red pepper and spice. The cornstarch thickened the mixture nicely but more tofu & mushrooms are always a plus.  A Hot & Sour stew is never a bad thing.

Would you eat it in a Wok?

Would you eat it for good Luck?

I do not like green eggs & ham. I do not like them, as a plan! I will not try green beer or beef, unless, I turn another leaf. Inebriation is never right because I have an early flight! I’m writing verse upon a limb & hope these rhymes appease dear Kim… XD

I understand, having once accidentally ordered a meat lovers’ pizza for my Muslim Chinese stepmother, that some people may feel offended by my passion for bacon.

Okay, so I was going to MSPaint me flicking off vegetarians in the blessed sight of God. But, it turns out that I suck at drawing heresy, and Ubuntu does not have an equivalent of MSPaint that I could find.

Anyways, I tried to put bacon into Asian pancakes. I mostly used the Yulin method, but I found one with pictures on the internet.

Ingredients:

- Five cups of flour

- Two cups of boiling water

- One cup of cold water

- Salt

- Vegetable oil

- Scallions, chopped

- Bacon, cooked to a crisp and crumbled

Confession: I fucked up bacon. These are paraphrased Gloria instructions for cooking bacon: “Heat the pan to medium, medium high. Put the bacon in the pan. Maybe move it around a little. If things get ridiculous, drain the pan.” If you are functionally stupid in a kitchen, I highly recommend turning your stove fan on its highest setting before doing any of that shit. And then make sure your boyfriend is out of the house so he does not see the smoky bacon disaster.

Okay, the fun part that doesn’t make you look like a jackass. Put the flour in a mixing bowl. Pour boiling water into the bowl and stir it around with a spoon until it’s crumbly. It doesn’t need to be fine crumbs, just kind of pieces. Now pour the cold water in. Then put your hands in and have a grand old time. If you want some structure, see Sophie’s post on baking bread. If you don’t have a pleasant, slightly sticky dough at this point, add some water. If your dough feels like an Alien facehugger looks, then toss in some more flour. Knead like a mofo. Knead until you can’t move. I’m not kidding. My triceps hurt the next day.

Let the dough rest for a bit with a towel on it so it doesn’t get dusty. If you’re feeling like a fancypants, brush some oil on it first. While the dough is resting, take your chopped green onion and sprinkle some salt on it so it gets wilty.

From here on, use Yulin’s instructions. I only have a bit of advice.

Bacon!

1. If you use these instructions, divide the pancakes into five pieces, not four. Four is too much. Four makes an Olympic-grade discus.

2. Sprinkle the bacon on liberally, but watch out: it doesn’t flavor the pancake as much as you want it. Sprinkle a little salt on before you hit Cinnabon stage.

3. Right before you fry, stretch out the pancake a little, until it is a size that you think is attractive.

4. When Yulin says “Generously oil,” he is not fucking kidding. This is not stir frying oil. You are practically deep frying your business. And the pancake will drink up a ton of it; my most successful pancake involved me reoiling the pan before I flipped.This oil means serious business.

5. Pro-tip from Gloria: toss your pancake in the air and catch it in the pan for bonus points. I don’t believe I did this successfully.

After three tries, I finally got one right. Fluffy, delicious, and perfect with Soy Sauce Paste. It sounds like crap and looks like crap, but it brings a party to your mouth and the cops aren’t invited.

This one turned out fluffy and delicious! I know what you Asian people are wondering: where are the layers? Well… shut up. It has bacon, dude.

If anyone has successfully made any of the following, I’d dearly love to see a recipe post about it:
- Cold sesame noodles (like the dumpling place in Cville)
- Asian oily rice
- Scallion pancakes
- Winter melon soup
- There’s a daikon soup out there that my dad makes, but when I tried to imitate it, the daikon just ended up thick, like a cooked carrot. Anyone know how to make the fantastically soft daikon soup in Chinese cooking?

And just so I don’t look like a mooch:

Sunomono!

This is not the sunomono with the horrors of the sea. This is just plain ol’ sunomono, cold and perfect as an appetizer.

- 1 cucumber which is neither freakishly huge or small
- 1 tbs rice vinegar
- 1 tsp sugar
- salt
- soy sauce

Cut your cucumber into unforgivingly thin slices. Lay them out on the cutting board in as thin a layer as possible, then salt them lightly. You’re just trying to draw out the moisture in the cucumber, not flavor it.

While that’s going, dissolve the sugar into the rice vinegar. By the time you’re done with this, you can declare your cucumbers good enough. Bonus step: If you want, squeeze the cucumber juice out over the sink. Not really necessary.

Add a splash of soy sauce to your vinegar, then pour it over the cucumbers and gently toss.

They are delicious and nutritious, plus the quickest appetizer in the world to make. When I made these on Lonely Asian Girl Christmas, they got devoured.

It included some odd dishes, like the coca cola chicken.  A modern update to an old Chinese recipe of fried chicken. This is simmered using a reduction of coke. Like, you put the chicken wings in the wok, pour a 12 oz can of coke in, and simmer.

Some dishes, like this involved salted preserved duck eggs, I was less interested in learning the recipe for, much less trying.  I still can’t quite get over the texture.  Ick.

Some foods, of course, are very traditional.  I can never quite get the crimped edges right on dumplings… it’s an acquired skill.  These used to only be eaten at Spring Festival–they were a luxury food.  Sort of like turkey on Thanksgiving.  My relatives reminisce fondly about the days of scrimping to get enough white flour to make enough dumplings so that everyone could have a few.  Ah, the good old days.  Now dumplings are cheap and available everywhere.

You may know this as the funny fried crunchy stuff they have sitting on the table at Chinese restaurants. What you might not know that this is a dish traditionally served at New Year’s, called “Pai Char”. The recipe is simple. Dough, flattened and twisted, and then deep fried in peanut oil. There’s a video that shows how they’re made.

Pai Char the Video