Modified from this Allrecipes version.

• 3/4 cup milk
• 3 Tbsp finely chopped fresh lavender, or 3 tsp dried lavender flowers
• 8 Tbsp butter, softened
• 1 cup white sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp salt
• If, like me, you are a tool who has self-rising flour lying around, you can use that instead of the last three ingredients.

Preheat the oven to 350 F. Grease two smallish loaf pans thoroughly–this bread likes to stick.

Combine the milk and lavender in a small saucepan over medium heat. Raise to just barely a simmer–you are looking for tiny bubbles around the edges, but not a full boil–then remove from heat, and allow to cool some.

Cream together the butter and sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs until the mixture is light and fluffy (I did this first with a spoon and did not achieve fluffiness, and it was sub-par. Use a mixer!)

Combine the flour, baking powder, and salt; alternate adding the dry ingredients and the lavender-milk to the creamed things until just blended. Pour/scrape into the prepared pans.

Bake for 35 minutes, or until a testing thing comes out clean. Cool pretty thoroughly in the pan before attempting to turn out onto a wire rack. When it’s cool, you can add a citrus glaze if you like. My last one was 1/4 cup powdered sugar / juice of about a third of a lemon / splash of vanilla, but this did not quite seem ideal.

Ham and cheddar: Only 2 Tbs of sugar, because of the savory. N.b. the recipe only calls for 1/2 tsp of salt; this is not to be ignored – I added a few grinds of sea salt but it really didn’t need it. After cutting in the butter and before adding the cream, I added about  1/3 cup chopped lunchmeat ham, and about 1/2 cup finely grated smooth English cheddar with jalepenos in. I think using a rich but less sharp cheddar was key; the jalepenos weren’t really prominent enough to add much. In the future I might toss in some finely-chopped scallions as Gloria did. These came out super moist because of the cheese, and are my new favorite breakfast.

Cranberry orange: After cutting in butter and before the cream, I added ~1/2 cup cranberries and the zest of half a medium-sized orange. I also topped the glaze with more zest. Orange zest: the best.

The glaze: For both, even the savory ham-and-cheddar, I used the glaze from Joy of Cooking’s scone recipe. Whisk an egg. Maybe add a little cold water if it’s thick, and brush over the top of your beautifully triangular scones (triangles are key.) Sprinkle sugar on liberally. Delicious!

On attaining flakiness: The reason you cut the butter in is that you need it mixed, but not melted, so that when you bake it the butter melts and light, flaky pastry results (also why you use very cold ingredients for pie crusts.) Thus, chill the butter till right before use. A pastry blender is ideal for cutting it in because it is cold, heartless metal, unlike your hands, which melt things. I had to use my hands this time, but I ran them under cold water first, which I think helped. Handle the dough as little as possible while shaping, too.

I’m also a fan of Alton Brown’s scone recipe, but it requires you to have shortening on hand, and shortening is gross. Before that I used the one in Joy of Cooking, which makes arguably more traditional yet drier scones.

I am at Karen and Spanky’s house.  There are Street Fighter 4 sounds and egg beater sounds in the background.  We have had a Tea Party, limited in size but not limited in scope.  We don’t have pictures of our full spread, because food pretty much disappeared when it hit the table.  Also, the table was not large enough for all the food we made.  Also, our designated food photographer was too busy stuffing her face full of food (and thus taking care of our table space problem) to document all of our spread.

Drinks:

- Earl Grey Creme tea (from Teavana)

- Homemade ginger beer

- Storebought ginger beer

- I had a muthafuckin’ Vault. But that was just for maximum cooking power

Food:

- Cucumber, cream cheese, and whole wheat mini sandwiches

- Rosemary ham, cream cheese, and whole wheat mini sandwiches

- Bacon-wrapped stuffed jalapenos

- Cranberry scones

- Bacon and cheddar scones (see recipe below)

- Mumsy’s  buttermilk cake

- Vanilla cupcakes with strawberry whipped cream

- Clotted cream and blackberry jam from jars

The Baconator

The sandwiches ended up leaving us prematurely, and Gloria ate all of the cucumber, so I could not make more. The rosemary ham is delicious–I found it at my local Harris Teeter, so you might find some where you are too.  The bacon-wrapped jalapeno thingies were from a recipe I got from The Pioneer Woman, who has uncontrollably good taste in food.  Even people who couldn’t take the heat did not in fact have to get out of the kitchen.  Gloria’s bacon and cheddar scones rounded up the savory foods. We remarked later that they tasted a lot like the Asian pancakes Yulin posted about.  They would probably taste like a complete breakfast with a side of scrambled eggs.

Oh god... cupcakes...

I could comment on the cranberry scones and clotted cream and the buttermilk cake, but I couldn’t do them justice.  Not when my heart belongs to the queen of all desserts, the vanilla cupcakes.  Although I love cupcakes, I have never eaten one and been utterly consumed with the urgent need to eat another.  These cupcakes were like watching a hot chick happen to drop a quarter in front of you.  You watch her bend over, and all you want to do is throw another quarter out there, so it can keep bending over. And you know, because of the delicious whipped cream, that she will still be moist and not overpoweringly sweet and perfectly flavored and covered in strawberries again and again and again………..

Shit.

The point: I could eat a lot.  Karen has promised that she will post her exact demon recipe, to capture the hearts of men by singing them into the sea.

Quote from the room: “Oh god, he’s got a purple thong on. Oh shit.”

I think I have to go.

Bacon and Cheddar Scones

Ingredients (makes about 8 large scones)

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 5 tablespoons chilled, unsalted butter, cut into 1/4-inch cubes
• 4-6 slices of bacon, depending on the thickness
• 1/2 cup scallions, sliced very thinly
• 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/2 cup grated cheddar cheese
• 1 cup heavy cream

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Mix the flour, baking powder, sugar, salt, black pepper, cheddar and scallions together.  I decided to try a “stout cheddar”, which is basically aged cheddar with some stout beer in it. Cook the bacon in a pan  and then crumble into little bits.  Cut in the butter using a pastry blender or your fingers. The mixture should get a cornmeal-like texture once the butter is mostly cut in.  Add the bacon, mix, and then mix in the heavy cream with a rubber spatula or fork.  Mix until it starts to be dough-like and a bit sticky, then put it on a lightly floured surface and pat it out into a circular shape about 1/2 inch thick.  Cut it like a pizza, and you’ll get 8 triangular scones! Stick in the oven for about 15 minutes.

The results: quite tasty! I love plain savory scones for breakfast. The cranberry ones definitely go well with clotted cream and some jam.  I think the savory scones ended up a bit salty, which I suspect is due to the cheese I picked. So if you’re trying a batch yourself, try adjusting the amt of cheese to account for how intense the cheese is.

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